why?
by FluffballPaws
Summary: sara is hurting why?...femslash story...NCIS/crossover... csi ships sassy catherine/wendy mentioned gil/ldyh and mentioned sonic ncis ships jibbs mcabby tiva what will happen when the CSIs find sara at Ncis not M now will be later chap 7 is up
1. lost

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or NCIS I'm just borrowing them

AN: NCIS make a gust appearance and this is femslash so if you don't like turn back.

Chapter 1: lost

On the plane

Sara P.O.V

Why do I feel so bad? I haven't done anything wrong, have I? my mind is running in circles I want to cry why cant I?

How could she do this to me? I love her and she did this to me.

Maybe I should start at the beginning I am Sara Sidle, I am a forensic Scientist had you asked me what I did maybe 3 hours ago I would have told you that I was a CSI in Las Vegas crime lab but I cant, I cant be near her or him for that matter. I've never felt this way toward someone I love her I hate her. I want to be with her but she was not happy with me she, if she was she would never have cheated on me right? You're probably wandering what I'm talking about.

I have been dating Sofia Curtis for a year now and today was our anniversary so I thought I would surprise her by turning up when she didn't answer the door I found the spare door key she hide in the little marble lion she kept by her door I opened the door and entered I looked around, she was nowhere to be found. That's when I heard it groans coming from her bedroom I moved over to it and pushed the door a little, and there they were having sex in plain view she underneath him he was the only one to know about us, I though he was my friend, but then again I thought she loved me. The guy I'm talking about is Nick stokes, he is usually a real nice guy. I left there without them knowing I was there I drove off and went strait to Catherine's house I told her what had happened and told her to tell Grissom where I was, I then gave her my personal number and told her to keep in touch.

I then made my way to the airport and here I am on a plane to Washington I have no idea what to do all I know is that my friend Abby Scuito is going to pick me up when I land. We know each other from a forensic convention thing we both went to, she is really different but really nice, she was the first one to know about my sexuality. I trust her with my life.

Las Vegas crime lab

Sofia P.O.V

Shit no she cant have left, but Cath just said she had, where would she go I know she loves her job? Hmmmmm. Uh oh better tune back in Catherine is talking to me… wait a minute she's not talking to me she's shouting at me… OK now I'm confused.

"Don't give me that confused look Curtis you should know why she left." Catherine states calmly at me but you can tell by her eyes she hates me at this moment

"I don't know what you mean Catherine." I say I don't know why Sara left all I know is she's gone…boy am I gonna miss her. I still feel rotten for what I did earlier but she didn't know so it cant be that.

" Curtis you're a slut you had her heart and you broke it, what she couldn't keep you satisfied so you fuck her best friend behind her back? She's been hurt to many times and you know it but you just couldn't tell her the truth she saw you Sofia she saw you fucking nick." with that Catherine is taken out of the room by Grissom and the others all look at me.

I don't think I can take this…no I cant… I've never cried but I am now I can't believe I did that to her what have I done?

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(\ /) little bunny says push the button and review  
( . .)and she will give you an infinite amount of chocolate and kisses  
c('')('')oh and not to forget the hugs.


	2. team meets team

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or NCIS so don't sue I don't have anything to give

AN: contains girl on girl loving so if you don't like then run away.

Chapter 2 :team meets team.

3 years later

Catherine Willows was sitting on a plane looking over the case file with Sofia she had not forgiven her for hurting her friend but she was not nasty to her she had noticed Sofia was having a hard time with Sara not being here, Sofia had started to drink she came into work with a hangover on a regular basis and wore long sleeves, the long sleeves on their own did not worry her it was the fact that if anyone touched the blonde detective's wrist she would wince in pain. Catherine knew Sofia loved Sara then and still does now, Sofia had explained to her why she had done what she did, and Catherine sort of understood her logic and was trying to keep the blonde out of an even worse depressive state. Before getting on the plane Catherine had excused herself and made a phone call to Sara warning that they were coming she was surprised to hear a female voice pick up the phone, a female voice that was not Sara's.

"hello"

"hi this is a friend of Sara's she there."

"um yeah wait a minute." she hear rustling and heard the woman shout 'yo babe you got a phone call'

" ello" Sara picked up the phone in a breathless voice

"um hey I wanna warn you the CSIs and detectives are coming to NCIS for a case." Catherine said with a grin she could just see sara grimace down the phone

"thanks Cath I guess I'll be seeing ya mate"

"see you later Sara."

Catherine hung up and smiled at how well the brunette had taken everything she knew she was the only one to have seen Sara since she had left Vegas. So here we are standing outside and airport waiting for someone to pick us up we were told someone would pick us up in the NCIS van so we were just to sit tight and wait. A van pulled up beside them and a dark haired women got out of the drivers seat, and walked up to them.

" hi im officer Ziva David." she held out her hand and Grissom shook it

"Gil Grissom its very nice to meet you."

" and you, I'm lead to believe you know my co-worker Special Agent Sara Sidle." Sara walked around the van and stood next to the Israeli woman taking her sunglasses of she smiled at them.

"hey guys how are you doing?" the CSIs and detectives were stood eyeing her with their jaws on the floor Catherine walked up to the dark haired woman and gave her hug.

"come on we better get going or Gibbs is going to ream us a new one." Sara motioned for the others to get into the van. As she released Catherine, she walked up to Ziva and whispered in her ear.and the others saw that the other dark haired woman was nodding

" alright Ziva agrees, Warrick you're going in the front with her else the back is gonna be quite cramped." the brunette laughed and went over to the car that had pulled up beside the van. She opened the door

"guys this is Antony Dinozzo he is going to be looking after the bags."

"hey Sara you never told me the girls of CSI are this beautiful." he said winking at Catherine and then groaned as he received 2 slaps on the upside of the head "hey what was that for?" he asked rubbing the back of his head.

" hey don't flirt with my best friend." Sara smirked as the CSIs looked at her as if she was mad

"that and you should not flirt with people while you're girlfriend is around." the Israeli woman winked at Dinozzo an he smirked

"I'm sorry babe you know I love you and only you." Dinozzo shot a smile at her

" you're lucky I do." she said and walked up to him and kissed him softly on the lips and left him there walking by him

"now get the nice people's bags." Ziva smirked and got into the driving seat of the van. The CSI piled into the back of the can except for Nick, Brass and Sofia who were going in the car with Tony.

Once in the back of the van Sara spoke up

"so what's going on? Anything new happen?"

Catherine grinned "I'm getting married"

"what really? Who I had no idea you were seeing anyone."

"Wendy she asked me last night."

"aww im real happy for you Cath, you deserve someone who is good to you. How bout you Griss?"

Grissom shifted nervously in his seat and found something very interesting on his shoes.

"he has a wife and baby… with lady heather." Catherine winked at Grissom

"wow… Griss that's great… again im happy for you."

Before more could be said they arrived at the NCIS HQ and Sara got out of the van the others following she walked into the building following Ziva when they arrived at the offices Sara walked up to a tall grey haired man

"Boss the CSIs are here and the detectives are on their way with Dinozzo." Sara informed him

"good Mcgee and Abby are down stairs go get them Gen is on her way." Sara just nodded and headed of to the elevator.

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(\ /) little bunny says push the button and review else she will cry  
( . .)if you do as she says she will give you an infinite amount of chocolate and kisses  
c('')('')oh and not to forget the hugs.


	3. whats wrong?

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or NCIS or its characters so don't sue I have not money.

AN: this contains femslash so if you don't like turn away now.

Chapter 3: what's wrong?

Sara P.O.V

OK that's gone ok the CSIs weren't too bad and we got the case done, but Sofia is the one I'm worried about I know I shouldn't be she hurt me beyond belief but it is still worrying me, she looked pale and sullen sort of like she hadn't had a decent sleep in days, that or she was hung over. But that cant be right Sofia didn't drink she wouldn't do that to herself, awww who are you kidding Sidle she was so hung-over. But why is she drinking she cant possibly miss me as much as I miss her. In the 3 years I've been away from her I'd developed a pattern, on my nights off I will go to the gay bar in the centre of town and will get drunk and take home the first blonde woman I see and fuck them senseless. I stopped doing that a year ago it didn't make me feel better if anything it made me feel worse. I still love her with my whole heart, she's the first person to ever make me miss them I cry in bed sometimes just because I'm not with her, Gen and Gibbs have been great to me they have let me stay with them so I'm not on my own they know what she did and I'm scared for her, she's not going to be welcomed by them.

The minute I saw her I saw that her shirt was the slight bit wet…she was wearing a white shirt…the one I always used to get her to wear when we went to the cinema…I have asked Cath to keep an eye on her for me and call e if anything goes really bad. That was 2 years ago but know I see… she went to the toilet and came back and that's when I saw it she had blood stains on the sleeve of her shirt…I had dragged her to the locker room…and now they have gone home about an hour ago and I'm sitting here feeling bad.

Other P.O.V

2 hours ago

The brunette agent's eyes went wide as she saw the bright sinful red that had stained the blonde detective's shirt she took the hand of the blonde and pulled her to the locker room. The blonde winced in pain as the dark haired woman pulled back her shirt sleeve to reveal that the blood stains were not a spur of the moment thing they had been happening for a long time now, Sofia found something very interesting on the floor and proceeded to bore a hole into it, while Sara's brown eyes took in the long thin lines of bright red and some that were a dark red these were what she saw outside the airport.

"Sofia…why…I… why are you doing this to yourself…please make me understand." Sara pleaded with the blonde trying to get the blonde to make eye contact with her but she had no success the blonde was not going to make eye contact, Sara noticed the blondes shoulders were shaking…Sofia was crying.

"I'm sorry Sara I…I cant make you understand…I'm sorry." and with that the blonde ran from the room and strait form the building leaving a very upset Sara behind. Sara sat down on the bench and slowly let her on tears flow out of her body, she felt to strong arms circle her in a hug and judging by the size of the man it was Ducky.

"it'll be ok, I'm sure it will" the Scottish accent washed over her

"no Ducky….it wont she's…she's gonna kill herself if she carries on like this… she was hung-over and now I know she been cutting herself." Sara felt another man sit on the other side of her and he rubbed her back

"I'll keep an eye on her…I'll see if I can help her." the gruff voice of Jim brass sounded in her ears and she smiled as she remember that Catherine may be the big mama hen in the CSI family but Jim was the big papa bear and he would at least make sure she stayed alive.

"thank you Jim it means a lot to me…Cat has my number if she's in trouble call me yeah?" she asked locking onto the blue eyes of the man next to her.

"it is my pleasure she means a lot to me too. We have to go, come visit us soon girl." Jim gave the brunette a quick hug before leaving the room an heading to the airport.

(\ /) little bunny says push the button and review else she will cry  
( . .)if you do as she says she will give you an infinite amount of chocolate and kisses  
c('')('')oh and not to forget the hugs.


	4. i need you

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or NCIS I'm just borrowing them.

AN: this is a femslash story if you don't like don't read this story.

Chapter 4:I need you

4 months later

she was watching the blonde goddess… the one who had captured her heart…she was watching her cut at her wrists deeper and deeper the blonde went and more sinful red would spill form the gashes, Sara tried to reach Sofia but she could not move her body had gone on strike she reached for her goddess but her goddess would not let her, Sofia continued to cut into her wrists until she finally was not able to hold the blade any longer, she dropped the blade and fell to the floor herself, Sara found she could move again she knelt down beside the blonde and whispered the 3 words she would always knew were meant for Sofia and Sofia alone 'I love you' but she was too late Sofia had left her.

Sara sprang up from her king-sized bed she twisted around and found she was still in her bed, in Gen and Gibbs house, it was all a dream, she was not watching Sofia die, but she was still scared and she cried she cried long and hard until her alarm went off to tell her she had to get ready for work, she swung her legs out of the bed and got to work on her daily routine.

At NCIS headquarters

Sara walked up to her desk and plonked down behind the desk with a heavy sigh.

"hey girl you look like you've had a hellish night." Abby commented as she saw the state the brunette was in she had dark circles around her eyes and her eyes were red and puffy. In answer to her comment Sara put her head in her arms and just sobbed into her arms. She tuned out of what the others were saying the only thing that could get through to her were that they were worried about her. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see McGee had walked over and put it there.

"come on girl you've been this way for a long time, what's getting to ya?" McGee asked as Abby came and wrapped her arms around McGee's middle and he relaxed into her. Sara knew talking to other people about problems was not a Tim thing to do. She looked up at her work colleagues who were all looking at her waiting to try and make it better.

"we know it has something to do with CSI because you've been this way since they came here. So don't try and lie to us." Ziva smiled at her telling her she was not going to get out of this.

"guys even if you do know you cant make it better." Sara tells them managing a weak smile.

"we don't care its bothering you so spit it out girl." Abby encouraged her.

"alright…here goes well when I was in Vegas I was dating the blonde detective who came… she cheated on me and that's why I'm here, I couldn't be near her but now I know what she's doing to herself it is really bad and I don't know what to do I cant stop worrying about her." Sara put her head in her hands.

"you still love her don't you?" Sara was surprised to hear Gibbs ask the question.

"yeah and what makes it worse she called me last week and told me she misses me… and I know she's been self harming a lot more lately and Jim says she's not coming into work very often…sometimes she doesn't even call in sick…I love her and I'm worried about her." Sara replied to her supervisor

"then what are you still doing here?" Gibbs asked her and Sara looked at him as if he was mad and Gibbs walked around the desk and Sara should have seen it coming but she didn't, she felt a sharp smack on the upside of her head and then she felt Gibbs kneel down beside her.

"and here was me thinking you were smart Sidle, if you love her go win her heart stop her hurting herself, you need her and she needs you, and before you say anything its doing you both no good if you wont be with each other it is doing both of you no good . Go get her Sara." Gibbs smiled at her as Sara imitated a fish.

" but Gibbs I cant just get on a plane I have not got a ticket." Sara asked her boss

"that's why we have got a helicopter for you my dear." Ducky smiled at her "we decide we were going to do this for you we want you happy and you're not, besides we need a holiday." he grinned

Sara ran up and hugged him

"when are we going"

"agents gear up we are leaving in an hour." Gibbs ordered and the people of NCIS got ready for their trip to Vegas

Sara is sitting after getting her things ready she still had 20 minutes to get ready she decided to give her friend a call.

"ello?" came the sleep reply of Wendy.

"well good morning to you sleepy head can I talk to Cath please?" the brunette giggled down the phone.

" Sara!!! Sure ill just wake her for you but we weren't meant to be up for another hour so I could be a while." Sara could see the lab tech smiling down the phone, she heard rustling and then she heard Catherine ask what was wrong.

"ello" Catherine sleepily asked

"Cath I need your help."

TBC

(\ /) little bunny says push the button and review else she will cry  
( . .)if you do as she says she will give you an infinite amount of chocolate and kisses  
c('')('')oh and not to forget the hugs. And cookies.


	5. why?

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or NCIS or the song why Avril lavigne does.

AN: this is femslash turn away if you don't like.

Chapter 5: why?

The strawberry blonde CSI pulled up outside the bar Sara had told her to come to she was not alone she Brought the Blonde detective with her and was now looking for the NCIS agent, when she spotted them she walked over to them. Pulling the detective with her. She tapped Gibbs on the shoulder and he span on the spot to look at her.

"ah you're here the others are inside already shall we?" Gibbs ;pointed to the door and the CSI, Detective and the agent entered the small club Gibbs wandered over to a table that was sat in front of a small stage Gibbs pulled the seat out and Sofia sat on it and then Cath sat on the left side of her, the lights dimmed and Sofia found that Grissom had sat on the other side and she looked and noticed the CSI and the whole of NCIS were there, she leaned over to her side and asked

"cath what's going on?" She asked she had to admit she was a bit weary Cath had never full forgiven her so the request to come out for a drink caught her off guard and she had to agree.

"my dear be patient." Sofia was about to speak when a voice she recognized came over the speakers.

"I love you why?"

And with that the light came on and there stood Sara with her guitar she started to play the opening chords and when the time came Sofia was pushed back by the huskiness in the brunette's voice.

Why, do you always do this to me?  
Why, couldn't you just see through me?  
How come, you act like this  
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?

I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away  
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way  
I need you, I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you, I need you  
Tell me, are you and me still together?  
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?  
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying  
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing  
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?

I could feel I could feel you near me, even when you're far away  
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way  
I need you, I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you, I need you  
Tell me, are you and me still together?  
Tell me, you think we could last forever?  
Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about  
Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about  
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel

I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away  
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you, I need you  
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you, I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you  
Tell me, are you and me still together?  
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?  
Tell me, why

When the song ended the lights came on and the people clapped but Sara didn't hear them and nor did Sofia, Sofia watched as the brunette approached her, the brunette pulled the blonde to her feet and pulled her into a hug.

"I love you baby." she whispered through her tears

"I love you too I'm…" Sofia was cut short from her apology by the brunette had had taken full possession of her and was licked at her bottom lip begging to gain entrance, Sofia allowed her in and whimpered as Sara began playing with her tongue. A small cough resounded behind them and Sara moved to look at a man in a suit tipped his hat to the brunette.

"ma'am the limo is ready."

"thank you ."

"you got a limo… I… you shouldn't have." Sofia Spoke to Sara astounded that Sara was doing this for her.

Sara just took her hand and pulled her to the door after waving goodbye to her friends she helped Sofia into the limo and the limo sped off.

TBC

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(\ /) little bunny says push the button and review else she will cry  
( . .)if you do as she says she will give you an infinite amount of chocolate and kisses  
c('')('')oh and not to forget the hugs. And cookies.


	6. the question

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or NCIS I just borrow them.

AN: this contains girl on girl loving if you don't like run away now

Chapter 6: the question

"where are we going?" Sofia asked the brunette

"don't you trust me baby?" Sara smiled as she moved herself so she was straddling the blonde

"of coarse I do." Sofia moaned out as Sara started to kiss her neck.

"well then stop worrying please, and trust me." Sofia felt Sara smile against her neck and she ran her hands up the brunettes sides but Sara stopped her movements, she moved her self up Sofia's neck kissing until she found the blonde's pulse point, she licked around it making the detective gasp, at her actions, she pulled the skin into her mouth and roughly bit and sucked at it the blonde moaned and groaned out her appreciation. Once Sara was done marking the blonde she sat up smiling at her lover.

"now my dear we need to talk." Sara said letting Sofia know she was not off the hook fully. Sofia pulled a funny face at Sara, Sara pushed her mouth onto the blonde's and pulled back smiling.

"don't pull that face at me sweetheart, I know this is gonna make me public enemy number one, but you need to go see a councillor Hun. You have gotta get yourself sorted out I'll be there through it all baby I promise you."

Sofia looked at her lover and saw the concern in the brown orbs and slowly nodded her head in agreement with her lover. Sara smiled down at the blonde and pulled out a little purple box and opened it I reveal a white gold ring that had 3 small diamonds in it, Sofia gasped

"I got this for our anniversary and was gonna give it to you then but now id good to, Sofia Curtis will you marry me?" Sara asked the fear was noticeable in her voice.

"I would love to be you're wife." the blonde smiled the brunette and brought her down for an earth-shattering kiss just as the kiss ended the limo came to a stop, Sara climbed of the blonde and opened the door, she helped the blonde out and lead her into the hotel. And up to the room she had made Ziva prepare for her.

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(\ /) she says sorry for the short chapter  
( . .)and sorry if the story is unrealistic  
c('')('')plz reveiw


	7. oh baby!

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or NCIS or its characters

AN: this contains girl on girl loving if you don't like don't read this is PURE SMUT

AN: am sorry for the lack of updates have been out and college work

Chapter 7: oh baby

Sofia found herself pushed up against the door with the brunettes mouth latched onto hers, the brunette stopped kissing her and unlocked the door, she moved them so they were inside the room. Once inside Sara placed her hands on Sofia's hips and turned her around so Sofia could see the room. Sofia's mouth dropped as she let her eyes roam over the large 4 poster bed that Sara had made Ziva cover with scarlet, silk covers. She leaned into her dark haired lover and if she hadn't been concentrating Sara would have missed the whisper that fell from the parted lips.

"its perfect" Sara linked her arms around the blonde woman's waist and placed a chaste kiss to the spot just behind the Sofia's ear.

"its all for you baby." she huskily whispered in her fiancés ear. Sofia spun in her lovers arms and lay her head in the crook of Sara's neck and kissed a couple of times before lifting her head to look into the chocolate brown eyes of her lover. She opened her mouth only to find her lips covered by a long slender finger.

" I know what your going to say angel and don't say it don't put yourself down. Your are the most beautiful woman I've ever had the pleasure of meeting." she concluded her statement by softly kissing the soft lips in front of her, the kiss continued and Sofia whimpered as Sara gently nibbled at her lower lip and then Sofia gasped as the brunette goddess bit hard on the lower lip. The gasp had given her the opportunity she was looking for and plunged her tongue deep into the detectives' mouth and ran her tongue against the blond woman's own. This action caused Sofia to growl low in her throat. Pulling away from the kiss Sara made a path of kisses down her girl's neck and Sofia started to walk backwards towards the bed. When she felt her knees hit the back of the bed Sofia switched her position and pushed Sara with a soft plop onto the red sheets.

Sara shifted to the middle of the bed as she felt Sofia tug at her shirt she lifted her arms and the garment fell to the floor, next she felt Sofia's nimble hands working at the button of her jeans and they joined her shirt on the floor. Sofia took possession of the brunettes mouth and stripped her of her remaining clothes. Sofia stood and admired the naked body of her lover and licked her lips, she slowly started to un-button her own top and she slid it down her slender arms and it fell to the floor and made a puddle around her feet, she moved her hands to her jeans and they joined her clothes on the floor. She watched as Sara moved restlessly on the bed and the way her breath had quickened she let out a low moan and carried on her show until she was naked herself.

Sofia crawled up her brunette goddess and kissed her lips, the kiss was deep and needy. Sensing Sara was not going to last long she moved her hands to her lovers breasts and touched them all over except where Sara most wanted them to be she placed one of her hands over the blonde's own and moved it to her own straining nipple, she looked into the light eyes of her lover.

" here please Fia baby here" she moved Sofia's other hand into her folds she lifted her own hand and put it on her lovers cheek slowly Sofia entered her lover and Sara closed her eyes as a moan ripped itself from her lips, Sofia started moving her hand faster and harder against her lover. Sara noticed that Sofia was so involved in pleasuring her and she took her chance and surprised the blonde by plunging her fingers into her. Sofia threw her head back and moaned low in her throat as she felt the familiar burning in her stomach. Together the women thrust and gasped until they both let go.

Sofia lay next to the brunette and Sara snuggled into her side, just before they went into a deep sleep Sara whispered some words that Sofia knew were coming.

" baby you know I love you but in the morning we need to talk." with that Sara wrapped her arms around the blond and they both fell into a deep sleep.

TBC

Please review

Sorry for the late update been busy falling in love so leave me be. Next chapter will be the morning after and the talk please send me any ideas what you want to happen.


	8. morning after

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or NCIS or its characters

AN: this is the last chapter

AN: am sorry for the lack of updates have been out and college work

Morning after and life goes on

The sun shined over the blond haired woman and she stirred she groaned as she opened her eyes to the blinding light, she looked around her drinking in her surroundings. She groaned as she tried to remember where she was, as she racked her brains. Like a film playing before her eyes she remembered what had happened the night before, she remembered Catherine convincing her she needed to go out, she remembered the NCIS team there at the bar, she remembered Sara's singing and she remembered getting engaged to the woman she loved. She felt and overwhelming need to see if all this really happened or was it some kind of hallucination. She turned over in the sheets and carefully opened her eyes and found herself staring at the beautifully complex woman, that is the one and only Sara Sidle. Slowly she lifted one hand and tucked a stray hair behind the brunettes ear. Sofia felt herself smile at the fact that she could once again have the pleasure of seeing Sara in such a peaceful way. She leaned over and gently placed a kiss on Sara's smooth cheek.

"I don't deserve you." she whispered as she felt the tears well up I her eyes, just before she could pull away Sara stopped her and held her head. She wiped the tear away she caressed Sofia's cheek before making the blonde look at her. The look swept the blonde detective away…it was a soft loving gaze but it had the intensity of hundreds of passion filled nights…Sofia closed her eyes to stop herself from swooning on the spot, she felt soft lips touch hers briefly. Before the brunette pulled back. Sara opened her arms out wide and Sofia gladly snuggled into her shoulder she rubbed small circles on the taller woman's stomach. Sara' hands came up and began to stroke the silky blonde tresses, something she knew would make Sofia feel safe. She kissed the top of her head and slowly whispered to her.

"babe we need to get you professional help, else you'll just self destruct and that's the one thing I don't want, I've only just got you back, I cant lose you again just as quickly." she felt Sofia tense up beside her and she pushed her own fears down below the surface of her mind. Slowly she felt Sofia relax and she looked down at her. Sofia's eyes were wide but Sara could see the fire, and Sofia nodded in determination.

"okay" she agreed her voice quivered the once " I just don't like being near people like that…I went to see someone after I thought I shot bell." Sara cringed as she remembered how she had been cold to the blonde and Sofia kissed her shoulder in a way of reassurance that it was past. " I came out felling worse than I did when I went it." she looked sad

"hey baby look at me please" Sara pleaded and hearing the desperation in Sara's voice the blonde reluctantly looked up into the chocolate orbs that make her melt on the spot. "I'm always going to be here by your side through it all…I promise." Sofia looked and knew that was the promise of a lifetime and she just smiled. Sara could still feel the doubt from Sofia and thought about what she could say . " I know lets try group stuff, that way you aren't alone even if I'm not there with you." Sofia Nodded and Sara knew she was completely at rest this time. Together they lay there neither feeling the need to break the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two, Sofia smiled…

"if you promise to make an effort at remembering to put the toothpaste cap on the toothpaste ill make an effort to remember that ice is better for you." Sara grinned at her lovers humour

"my dear you are on." she sealed the deal with an earth shattering kiss. One last thought…life does go on.

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